If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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