I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
