I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
