I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The air was thick with penises
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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