Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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