Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
