Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
it glows. i had to have it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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