The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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