If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
