Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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