I want to walk on stilts...naked
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
