i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
