I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
