I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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