Your tits are I can't wait for
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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