Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
