someone get that fucking seahorse.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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