I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
