it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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