Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
