I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
