and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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