The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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