i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
