You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
