don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
