first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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