sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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