I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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