All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I need water and some morals
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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