She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Michael Bay diarrhea
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm too high and old for this...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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