I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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