Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
