Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
