well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were trust falling into bushes
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize