I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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