he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
