She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
