the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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