You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
