Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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