she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
