Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
