K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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