I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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