Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
