um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
