The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
someone owes me an orgasm
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
