I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
