trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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