i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
