So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
