why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So squirting runs in the family.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
