I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i barfeds in our rink
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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