she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
