It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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