after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
